Breastfeeding Can Be A Challenge For Some Moms
Breast is best right? Mother Nature at her finest, concocting a brew of essential nutrients that will be perfect for your newborn to ensure that he or she thrives!
It’s free! It’s easy! Just pop the boob in and you’re good to go, a portable feast for baby!
Prior to my delivery, this is what I thought. And then I attempted nursing our son. That’s when I discovered that sometimes breastfeeding is hard and started the journey to come to terms with that fact.
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Breastfeeding is NOT easy for everybody, and here’s why you should NEVER feel like a failure if nursing your baby the old-fashioned way doesn’t work out for you!
Our son was born on a wonderful sunny day in late August 2016 at a whopping 8lb 7 oz. Whopping enough anyway. A healthy pregnancy and delivery, with no complications that were overly concerning.
He cried that beautiful cry and was placed on my chest, and my world changed forever…he actually tried to crawl right up my chest to the milk. I thought this is amazing! What a champ! I really thought it was going to be easy. Silly me.
My labor was induced with Pitocin, which meant fast and furious labor. It lasted a total of 7 hours, with only really the last 1.5 hours being “active labor ” so ya he was pretty much rushed out. Read my natural birth story here.
However, here’s the thing…when a baby goes through the birth canal that quickly, it’s quite common that all the fluid doesn’t get squeezed out on the way through. It’s also quite frequent in C Section births. The fluid can cause some congestion, mucus in the stomach, spitting up and yep… you guessed it, lack of appetite.
When Breastfeeding Is Hard You’ll Get That First Taste Of Mom Guilt
Of course, at first, I thought it was my fault and I must be doing something wrong. Boy, that Mom guilt starts off with a bang eh??!! Even for an “OLD MOM” like me!
The nurses and lactation consultants all tried to help with different positions, grips (hold my boob like a big sandwich? Sure thing! No problem!). But no matter what we tried, it didn’t work.
They checked him for lip tie, tongue tie, a bunch of other stuff. He did have a slight overbite they said and I thought well now they are grasping at straws. But here’s the thing. No one seemed overly worried. I heard a chorus of voices throughout my two days in hospital chirping….”it will be fine…your milk will come in…just get on the breast pump”.
Related: Let Go Of Mom Guilt: You Are Mom Enough
But I WAS worried. he still wasn’t eating enough.
I ended up pumping and expressing my milk into an eyedropper and feeding it to my tiny little human who was one hundred percent dependent on me, and who I felt I was failing already. I broke down in tears.
They kept me in the hospital for an extra day so the team of lactation consultants could work with me and try to get a solid latch going before they released me but it didn’t happen. Again I was met with, “no worries, he’ll get it!” His birth weight was down a bit but not in the percentage where they keep babies hospitalized. Completely ok we were told, no worries.
Of course, still worried…we went home.
Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t over the edge with anxiety about it and was enjoying so much those first moments and days as a new mother. But it did make me a little sad that I was missing out on that bonding moment everyone who breastfeeds talks about.
Having the breast pump strapped on didn’t quite cut the mustard as a tender moment. But it got the job done. We kept trying for a good latch and a couple of times I thought he had it but then would just doze off. He was too sleepy I thought. Incidentally, this breast pump I ended up using and it was the bomb.
The next day we were back at the hospital for our first postnatal check. The nurse who took care of us was stern, not very friendly, and reminded me a little of Nurse Ratched from that movie, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. She checked Bug’s weight, vitals, and showed some concern. She did not mince words.
“This kid’s gotta eat!”
She said as she ripped the plastic wrapping off of a nipple and stuck it on a bottle of formula. She popped it in his mouth and after a little experimentation, he got it. And you know what? He sucked back the whole bottle.
Again, the dreaded Mom guilt crashed in. Omg, I am starving him!!
She drew some blood from his tiny heel and gave us specific instructions for feeding and tracking his progress.
We returned the next day and again she was not pleased. His blood work had come back and his bilirubin was just at the cutoff level. One point lower and he would have to go under the lights for jaundice. She also thought he seemed a bit lethargic and they were running a panel for Coombs Disease I was shocked, like what is that??
I googled it, against my husband’s advice (solid as always). We all know nothing good ever comes from researching medical stuff on the web. It has something to do with when the baby and mother’s RH factors don’t match and their blood is mixed together during the delivery can cause immunity issues etc. Now I am bawling, not only about the breastfeeding difficulties but because of this menacing potential illness.
We had tried and fought so hard for this baby, would God be this cruel now and take him from us?
I tried to fight back tears when she came back in but it was useless. For the first time, I saw Nurse Rached soften and say,” that’s ok honey, it’s ok to cry. You’re day 3 postpartum you would be crying regardless.” Well gee, thanks I guess. Actually, in the end, I am glad that she didn’t sugarcoat anything because she certainly got us on track. Naturally, at 3 days postpartum I didn’t see that. Hindsight, however, is 20/20.
After all the fear and worry, the Coombs test came back negative. We could breathe again.
So home we went. I pumped milk every 3 hours around the clock, we tried for a latch, we pumped some more. Sleep came in 2-hour increments. We supplemented with formula, and you know what?
It’s fine!
A fed baby is a happy baby and I suppose that’s the point of my rambling on. Breastfeeding is natural, yes, but it doesn’t always come naturally! Sometimes things get in the way, like in our case just an icky little tummy or a slight overbite.
Some moms are totally rockin’ it, breastfeeding in public with no shame or hesitation. Good for them I say! I’m a bit envious that I didn’t get to try that!
Some moms may not want to breastfeed at all, the thought of bleeding and cracked nipples, pain, and being a milk machine on demand not appealing to them that’s great too! Whatever you choose to do, it’s your choice, and have no fear, you will still be able to bond with your baby.
We as women need to hold each other up and support one another’s choices. We are all in this together, a sisterhood of sorts and that’s my message to you. Breastfeeding is hard for some women and sometimes it just does not work…AND THAT IS OK! It does not mean that YOU are a failure. PERIOD. There are a lot of great books on pumping breastmilk out there if you need help.
Just do what works best for you and your baby! Breastfeeding or not!
In the end, I pumped for 5 months, supplementing with formula until I just couldn’t keep up with his demands anymore. And you know what? We did bond. Did I gaze into those little eyes while bottle feeding my baby and feel that connection with him? Absolutely. And it was incredible. Also, my husband was able to feed him and bond with him this way, another advantage I didn’t contemplate previously.
Breastfeeding was difficult for me. I wasn’t able to do it and yes, I’m OK with that. Really OK. In the end, I chose to let go of any guilt that I felt over it because realized that in my situation, it was out of my hands.
So if you have this expectation or vision of how perfect your nursing experience will be, and then for some reason, it doesn’t work out, please don’t force it or beat yourself up over it. Try not to stress.
The fact of the matter is… sometimes breastfeeding is hard and it doesn’t make you any less of a good mom. You are absolutely not a failure. Actually, you are the farthest thing from it. You are a rock star!
And your baby loves you more than anything in the entire world. Never forget it.
Until next time, K.
Kelly Blakely is the founder and creative force behind Just Our View From Here. As a first-time mom over 40, she brings a fresh perspective to parenting and family life on her blog. Kelly also explores a wide range of lifestyle topics in her writing, including fashion, beauty, self-care, and well-being.
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I love this! It wasn’t one or the other, but finding a way to still provide breastmilk like you wanted, and keep bub (Aussi for baby) fed with formula supplemented. Bub got the best of both worlds 🙂 It hurts me how often when breastfeeding doesn’t go smoothly women are given the ultimatum of one or the other. Formula or breast. Why not both if you are someone who wants to provide what breastmilk you can for your baby.
Glad to hear you found a solution that worked for you and your family. I know what it’s like to struggle at first too, my milk didn’t come in for 4 days…and then when it did, it REALLY did and poor lil guy couldn’t get his mouth around properly. I had to express first and then lil fella could latch for the first week. The best analogy I have ever heard about breastfeeding is comparing it to sex, it might be “natural” but it still has quite the learning curve to get it right. Haha
Haha! So true. In both cases it’s learning on the job! 😉 I’m glad that you found a balance with your little bub too!