When Your Child Has Haircut Phobia-This Too Shall Pass

How We Helped Our Son Overcome His Intense Fear Of Haircuts

I had never seen my son so upset. I’m no psychologist, but I believe they call it fight or flight response. This was not just a normal ‘I don’t like this’ type of reaction, this was sheer panic, heart pounding, a massive meltdown. Could my child actually have a haircut phobia? Is that even a real thing, I wondered?

Crying, screaming, wriggling, red face, sweaty palms, and using every ounce of his 3-year-old strength to get away from me as we attempted a trim with the hair clippers.

I promised myself then and there, that’s where it would end. My husband and I talked it over and agreed. We would never force a haircut on our toddler again.

After he calmed down, which surprisingly didn’t take that long, I looked at my mother-in-law, who was helping me with the daunting task of “haircut day.” I said he’s not getting a haircut until he’s ready. Until he isn’t afraid anymore.

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UPDATE!! One year after writing this article, and sticking with our plan of not forcing our son to get his haircut, our patience paid off. Continue to the end to learn the surprising thing we did that really helped our 4-year-old boy turn the corner and beat his haircut fear.

Why Is My Toddler Afraid Of Haircuts?

And of course, I wondered what I did wrong to cause this fear. Mom guilt tried to creep in but I pushed it aside. Was it something that he was just born with, a little quirk, or something else? Why is my kid so scared, actually terrified of getting a haircut?

There’s a wide variety of reasons your baby or toddler may be scared of haircuts.

• Unknown surroundings, including strange sounds, smells, and sensations. Think of all the noises and odors in a hair salon. For example, buzzing sounds, loud blowdryers, stinky hair dye, and perm solution.

• Unfamiliar people touching their head, ears, neck, and shoulders. Some kids play shy with strangers and getting a haircut is a pretty up close and personal experience. That may be pretty overwhelming.

• Unusual objects and instruments such as capes, spray bottles, hair clippers, and all types of scissors.

• And speaking of scissors…here is this common household item that we tell our kids over and over again are dangerous, sharp, can hurt them, and to not touch. And now someone is wielding them perilously close to their face and ears. Honestly, is it any wonder they’re afraid!

• Some kids have Sensory Processing Disorder, “also known as SPD, which is a condition in which the brain struggles to properly respond to information taken in by the senses. Often, this results in people with the disorder being overly sensitive to things in their environment. In less severe cases, a child may just have an immature sensory system. Thus, he or she will be able to outgrow it as they develop and their sensory system matures.” (Source sinetwork.org. Accessed Feb 16/20)

• Children on the autism spectrum commonly have trouble with haircuts and it can even be physically painful to them due to various reasons. More info on that and one mom’s story here.

Actually, it wasn’t always this way for us. When our little guy was a baby and we took him for his first haircut, it was cute and sweet. It was just before his first birthday. A little fidgety but nothing out of the ordinary, We saved a tiny lock of hair in an envelope for his baby book like parents do and looked forward to the next one.

Truthfully, we never expected in a million years that our child would have an actual haircut phobia. I never even knew that was a thing, to be honest.

Seeking Our Haircut Baby Whisperer

I started out taking him to my regular salon and booked him with Lisa, the stylist on staff known as the ‘baby whisperer” by her co-workers. Overall, it went ok. He wouldn’t sit in the chair on his own. But, I never expected he would, so he sat on my lap.

I was armed with the iPad, some small toy cars, and some M and M’s, just like all my friends with older kids had recommended. Sure, he was a bit squirmy and he cried a little but it was nothing too traumatic and we got the job done.

I did notice at that time that he didn’t like the buzzing sound very much. He kept trying to swat away Lisa’s hands as she tried to trim his hair. The second time was a little harder, and the 3rd time was NOT the charm in our case.

Nothing Like A Little Public Humiliation

So there he was, our little ‘angel’, running around the salon, trying to touch and grab everything, and there I was, chasing him down trying to corral him at every turn.

Pretty normal toddler behavior I suppose but it was distracting enough that I overheard someone say, “Is it nap time yet?” RUDE (he’s 2, I’m sorry but he is allowed in public places and I’m doing my best here!) but, oh well.

Well, by the time we got into the stylist’s chair, he was pretty riled up, and again we got the job done but just barely.

There was a LOT more crying, screaming, struggling, and a river of tears. I felt like all eyes were on us, some with sympathy but also some with annoyance and judgment. It sucked, to be honest.

The iPad and all the other distractions that Lisa and I could provide were becoming less and less effective with every visit to the salon.

How About Trying A Quick Cuts Place?

For the next attempt, we tried one of those quick-cut places. You know, those chain hair salons that are everywhere. The one we went to is in a plaza next to the grocery store so he actually sat in the top part of the shopping cart and the girl cut his hair that way.

That worked quite well until he started to get itchy from the cut hair. You see, he made it very clear that he would not wear the cape so we tried without. Big mistake. No cape=extreme itchiness!

So, as anyone would, I started searching the net for how to deal with a child who has a fear of haircuts, or a haircut phobia.

To be honest, I didn’t find a ton of information on dealing with an extreme fear of haircuts in a non-autistic child. But there were a few tips that can apply to any child who has a haircut phobia and I’ve added our own recommendations as well. We can’t be the only ones out there going through this right?

I recommend trying any or all of these to see if something clicks for you and works to help ease your child’s haircut fear. You never know what will work unless you try!

Preparing Your Toddler For Haircut Day

• Talk with your child about the haircut experience, not in a high-pressure sort of way but just casually. Talk about where people go to get haircuts, what the place is called, and what will happen there. Watch the Daniel Tiger Gets A Haircut episode. Like Daniel says “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.”

• Read kids’ books about haircuts. Reading kids’ books about different places and new experiences is a great way to prepare toddlers for something new.

• Play “Hair Salon.” Roleplay giving pretend haircuts to dolls, stuffed animals, and each other. Make it as real as possible without using actual scissors. Try little toy hair clippers or actual clippers (with the guard on, and of course they are not for little hands, just yours…) This is a good way to show your toddler that the clippers are just a little noisy but they don’t hurt.

• Put a fun cape on, grab some mousse and do lots and lots of pretend haircutting and styling.

• Play with the Play-Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop. Yes, Play-Doh is messy as all get out, but this one is worth a shot! Bug loved using the pretend buzzers on his “clients.”

• For little boys, bring them along to the barbershop to watch Dad get a haircut.

• Stop by the salon you plan on going to, just to say hi. This one worked really well for us! Tell the stylist what the situation is, and stop by often. Just get your child used to going into the place, no pressure, no threat just a nice friendly hello. Usually, they’ll give out a lollipop too! That’s always a good incentive for a toddler.

• Watch videos on Youtube of toddlers getting haircuts (not the ones where they are crying their heads off) and haircut tutorial videos. You may want to learn how to do it yourself!

• If you are planning on doing a home haircut for your toddler boy, consider picking up some hair clippers. We use the WHAL hair clippers or you may prefer to check out these Calming Clippers which claim to be much quieter.

How To Get Your Toddler To Sit Still For A Haircut (Salon Or At Home)

Here are a few things to try when a wiggly toddler hates getting a haircut. Remember, patience is key!

Eventually, you’ll find what works and doesn’t for your child. Maybe like us, nothing will work that well (at first) and you’ll choose to just wait it out as we ended up doing.

Beat the itchies~bring an extra shirt to change into after the haircut in case of itchiness. Also, a sprinkle of baby powder on the neck and chest area can help prevent tiny hair snippings from sticking.

UPDATE: Since this phase of Bug’s life was during the pandemic, he had to wear a face mask at the salon. Well, guess what keeps those hair clippings from falling on his face and making him itchy? The mask! We just use a disposable kids’ mask and it keeps all those tiny itchy hairs off his face.

Little snacks~ arm yourself with your kid’s favorite snacks; mini teddy grahams, fishie crackers, gummies, jelly beans, M and M’s. Avoid anything overly sticky or messy. Originally, I thought a Ring Pop might be a good choice, but lollipops like that during the haircut can get covered in hair due to their sticky nature so I think it’s better to save lollies for after the cut.

Distraction~iPad, tablet, or a small electronic toy like a Leap Pad works for some kids. Or bring their favorite small toys or board books to help divert attention from the haircut.

LeapFrog LeapPad Academy Kids’ Learning Tablet, Green

Have your child sit on your lap so you can help keep him still and be a source of comfort. Try having them sit backward on your lap when it comes time for the stylist to cut the back of their hair.

Noise-canceling headphones or earbuds, or disposable earplugs can help block out some of the loud salon sounds.

Comfort objects such as a favorite stuffy, blankie, or weighted blanket can help to calm some toddlers.

Bring your own cape, there are some really cute haircutting capes for kids out there. Be sure to get one that has a tie in the back in case a velcro closure on the neck might bother your child. Make it fun and have your little one pick out one they like! I ordered this adorable cape with dolphins from Amazon.

Kids Barber Cape with Neck Duster Brush, Professional Salon Hair Cutting Cape with Adjustable Snap Closure

Navigating Through Child Haircut Phobia

Tips For Overcoming Toddler Fear Of Haircuts

Here is what’s working best for us so far:

• Playing “Hair Salon” at home. Role-playing is a great technique to help toddlers overcome apprehensions about haircuts. This morning we had a lot of fun with the clippers, mousse and the blow dryer (on the low and cool settings of course.)

• Stopping by the salon on a regular basis. For us, it’s just the quick cuts place around the corner. The stylist there is super nice and I explained that we will just be stopping from time to time (about once a week). She gets why I am doing it and is more than happy to play along. We just stop in to say hi, no attempt at an actual haircut until he is ready. The more I build his trust in her as a familiar person, the better it will be. Just getting him used to and not being terrified of walking in the salon is the idea and seems to be working.

• Watching videos of kids getting haircuts (calmly and sitting still). For little boys, try to find videos where the stylist or mom is using hair clippers and scissors.

• Reading tons of kids’ books about haircuts. As I said, reading books about anything is a great way to help make an unfamiliar thing or situation more familiar and less threatening. Good old Elmo helped out a lot during our potty training days, hoping he can pull out the win here too!

• Taking it slow. I have come to find that gentle parenting techniques are more effective for us. So, we are taking this super duper slow. I now realize that forcing our kid to sit through a haircut will only make his fear grow. Taking the clippers to him when he was unwilling wasn’t a shining moment for me. I’m not a perfect mom. No one is. I screw up sometimes, but I learn from my mistakes.

Making Progress Slowly But Surely

Progress is slow and steady with this gentle approach. I sat our little boy down very deliberately on that terrible haircut day after the tears had dried and the smile had come back.

Getting his full attention, I looked him straight in the eye and promised him in my softest, most serious voice that Mommy will only cut his hair when he’s ready.

I’m pretty sure I repeated it a few times to make sure it would really sink in. Finally, he repeated it back to me and we struck a deal. The very next day, he said told me he wanted a haircut. LOL. He changed his mind five minutes later.

Toddler Boy: Long Hair, Don’t Care

So, for now, we have a little boy with longish hair. It’s a wee bit shaggy and falls over his ears, but we can still make it look super cute slicked back and combed out of the shower.

A bit of progress came our way last week when he actually let me trim his little rat tail and bangs. I was so surprised that he let me, but I think we’re on our way! I didn’t do a very good job, I’m no hairdresser, but it’s better than nothing.

And most importantly, there was no pressure from me and it was on his terms. He sat very still and just said it tickled a little, but he was smiling. Not crying, not screaming.

I’m sure some people might say just get er done, hold him down, tell him to suck it up. Nope. Can’t do it.

I just can’t bring myself to force a haircut on my toddler. He’s 3, not 15. His brain is developing in leaps and bounds and I certainly don’t want my child to acquire some lifelong haircut phobia caused by us.

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The Long And Short Of It (Pun Intended)

Hopefully, by the time the sizzling summer heat rolls around, he’ll be over it because this kid has a thick head of hair and he will melt. Or who knows, maybe headbands, ponytails or a man bun is in our future.

Our little surfer, hippie hair child with the haircut phobia. We’ll make it work. Maybe start a trend.

So the plan from here on in is to make a point of bringing out the clippers, scissors and haircut books several times a week and basically talk about it until I am blue in the face.

Maybe he will get so sick of me talking about it that he’ll just say Mom, I’m done with this, I want a haircut.

One thing’s for sure, we will never force a haircut on this child to push through this phobia. In the big picture, it’s certainly not worth the tears, trauma, or those huge emotional meltdowns.

Until then we will just patiently wait it out, we’ll keep practicing. And sweeping up Play-Doh.

*************************************************

UPDATE (2021): You Won’t Believe What Finally Did The Trick!

So since publishing this article, one year has passed, and I’m happy to report that our (now) 4-year-old has finally overcome his haircut phobia!

We stuck with our pledge to not force a haircut on our little guy, even though it turned into quite the shaggy mullet.

We have been in and out of lockdowns where we live, so the whole “visit the hair salon weekly thing” wasn’t an option due to them being closed down most of the time. I am still convinced that would have worked though.

Eventually, his bangs started to bug him, being in his eyes and tickling him so we ever so gently broached the subject again. He seemed receptive.

Plus, he was finally able to tell us exactly what he was afraid of. It was the clippers, mainly the loud buzzing noise, but also the feel of them. It was so helpful to finally pinpoint that.

We said OK, no clippers then, but scissors are fine? He said yes.

So, what was the thing we did that finally convinced him to get his haircut?…Pinterest.

Yes, you read that right. I went on Pinterest. You could just use Google as well if you are not a pinner.

In other words, we let him choose his own haircut. I image-searched toddler boy scissor haircuts on Pinterest and I let him pick out the one he wanted. Naturally, he chose a longer style, not a buzz cut.

So, we headed out to the salon and showed the stylist the picture. We made sure she knew that the clippers were not an option, and told her she could go a bit shorter than the photo.

Armed with his dolpin hair-cutting cape from home, we hoisted him up into the chair, put his cape over the salon cape, and he sat still the whole time (almost). He still got a little wiggly towards the end but nothing compared to the past.

No screaming, no tears, no drama. Unbelievably, there were lots of smiles. We couldn’t believe it, but were so happy and relieved our patience had paid off.

We didn’t even bring the Ipad for a distraction this time. he was actually interested in watching the stylist cutting his hair. What a difference from the year before.

If you have your own fun haircut cape, I suggest you bring it along just in case. Also, again, I’ll mention again having your child try a disposable face mask during the haircut. It really helps prevent those itchy little hairs from landing on the cheeks and mouth.

I still firmly believe that waiting until our child was ready was the most important factor in him overcoming his fear of haircuts. But the simple act of letting him pick out his own hairstyle, (thereby being a part of the decision process), and having his haircut on his terms also helped immensely.

If you have a strong-willed child, as we do, you’ll know that making them a part of any decision-making process can be quite effective in overcoming conflicts.

Just remember to wait until you see a sign that your child is willing to have a conversation about getting their hair cut, help them pick out a photo of one they like, and get them to the hair salon!

Be sure to strike while the iron is hot! In other words, before they change their mind.

I truly hope that one of these solutions helps you and your child overcome this fear of haircuts stage. I know how frustrating and stresssful the whole thing can be because we’ve lived it too. Hang in there, good luck, and remember…patience is a virtue!

Until next time, Kelly

Kelly Blakely is the founder and creative force behind Just Our View From Here. As a first-time mom over 40, she brings a fresh perspective to parenting and family life on her blog. Kelly also explores a wide range of lifestyle topics in her writing, including fashion, beauty, self-care, and well-being.

Disclaimer: Although I touch briefly here on Autism and SPD in regards to haircuts, this post is in no way intended for medical advice or diagnosis. As always, consult your doctor or health care professional if you have a medical concern about your child.

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