How To Teach Your Toddler Kindness ~ Just Our View From Here

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Raising Kind, Empathetic Children Begins At Home Because Home Is Where We Learn Love

Teaching kindness and empathy to children begins in the home. You, dear parents, are your child’s first teacher, mentor, and hero. They model their behaviour based on yours, and if you truly want to teach your toddler kindness, the best thing you can do is lead by example.

Set the tone in your home with acts of kindness, loving words, and gestures. Speak respectfully to one another because this is where your child’s sense of self begins.

how to teach your toddler kindness and empathy

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When I grew up, saying “Shut Up” to someone was not allowed. It was akin to dropping the F-Bomb really, and it just wasn’t tolerated. I still cringe when I hear people say it…you see, these things really do run deep!

One of the first things I learned from my parents, especially my Mother was that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I remember her kneeling down to get to eye level with me, holding my little hand and telling me this calmly and quietly.

I was a pretty spirited child and I loved to talk. A Lot. My Mother taught me that words were powerful and how to go over them in my mind before I opened up my mouth. Because words can sometimes hurt people and once a word is spoken, you can’t unsay it.

My mother was an amazing woman and I miss her every single day. She taught me and my siblings that being rude is easy but kindness is a sign of strength.

Lead By Example To Teach Toddlers Kindness

teach your toddler kindness — Photo by Rachel on Unsplash

As we all know, kids at this tender age are like little sponges. Everything they see and hear is getting soaked up into their little brains with lightning speed and your family dynamic is so influential.

How nice are you to others? How considerate are you of friends, neighbours, or even complete strangers? Do you trash-talk people behind their backs or give in to road rage more often than you’d like?

Hey, I know we are all only human and sometimes frustration can cause unsavoury thoughts to cross our minds, but before you let negative words roll off your tongue, remember who is listening! These formative years are when a child develops so much of their sense of self and builds character traits that will last them a lifetime.

Incorporate Kindness Into Pretend Play

During pretend play is a great time to teach your toddler kindness and empathy. Let’s say your child is playing with one of their stuffed animals or dolls and it falls to the floor. Quickly and gently pick it up and give it a hug, saying something like “Oh No Teddy/Dolly! You fell down! Are you ok?”

We play a little game at bedtime called “Flying”, as in Elmo flying, Teddy flying. During bedtime cuddles, we count down from 10 and blast them off (no, not literally!) from our lap and hold them in the air as they “Fly”. Then as they gently fall back to our laps, we ask them, “Teddy Are You OK?” and “Elmo, are you OK?” To which the other replies, “Yep, I’m OK. I’m Great!”

We add in a soft touch and a gentle hug and kiss goodnight, tuck in Teddy and Elmo and tell them “sweet dreams.”

This is just one example but there are various pretend play activities that you can make a part of your own routine to model acts of kindness. Treating the stuffed animals with such concern is just one easy way to instill caring and compassion in your toddler.

Young kids learn so many of their life skills through pretend play and we find this game to be a fun and easy way to teach our son empathy.

Teach Your Toddler To Be Kind To Animals

The same goes for pets. Notice that the cat is meowing at his food dish? Point it out to your toddler and say, “Oh look, the cat is hungry. Wouldn’t it be nice of us to get him his breakfast now?” and “Wow! Look at how much he’s enjoying his food, Kitty are you happy?!”

It feels a bit goofy when you first start gushing over the cat like this but, hey I’m a cat lady so I’ve always talked to my cats. This is just a little more um…enthusiastic. Don’t judge.

And of course, if your toddler has a baby sister or brother in their life, this is especially important. Encourage gentle touches and soft voices around the baby, show the love in your own eyes when you look at both of them and praise and recognize their kindness when they are snuggling the baby.

Be Considerate Of Other People

Whether it be mowing a neighbor’s lawn or bringing in their garbage cans from the road, sending a get-well card to a sick friend, or picking a bunch of dandelions to bring Gramma to make her smile, all these are example of simple kindness.

Can simple acts like these really teach your toddler kindness and empathy? Absolutely! It doesn’t have to be complicated. You are just building a foundation for them to build on as they grow.

Out and about in public? Hold the door open for the person behind you, smile at people, give up your seat on a bench or a bus for an elderly person, a pregnant woman or someone with a disability. Be kind to (and tip!) your server when you are at a restaurant, and refrain from eye-rolling when you do feel annoyed.

I know it’s not always easy…we’re all human and we do get frustrated from time to time, but make a conscious effort to be a nice person yourself. Little eyes are watching and little ears are hearing all. Just be kind!

The Ripple Effect Of Kindness

Teach Your Kids About Random Acts Of Kindness

Anne Herbert wrote about the ripple effect of kindness.“Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty,” has become a familiar quote over the last 30-some years. It was inscribed by Anne Herbert on a placemat in Sausalito, California and evolved from there as a response to the phrase “random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty.”

Herbert’s book Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty was published in February 1993. She wrote about acts of kindness offered by “strangers” who became connected in an unbreakable chain of love.

I truly believe in this concept and it is a great way to easily teach your toddler kindness. Also known as the pay-it-forward theory. Do something kind for someone, whether it be a random act of kindness or just giving a pleasant hello to a passerby.

Perhaps (and hopefully), that person will carry on with their day and do something nice for the next person. And so on, and so on…

Take for instance the garbage man… when the garbage truck comes by, my kid, being a truck enthusiast such as he is already at 3, can’t wait to see it. So if we are outside and hear that big rig roaring up to our house, we run up the driveway to check it out.

We wave and say “Thanks garbage man!” and “Wasn’t that nice of him to take our garbage away for us?” Sometimes, when the weather is hot, we bring them a couple of bottles of water.

We always get a big smile from the guys on the truck and I think hey, maybe if they’ve had a crappy morning, our little exchange may perk them up. Who knows?

But what we do know is that Bug is learning something super important from these little interactions… learning that there’s another human being on the other end of them. A human being with feelings and emotions just like him.

Teach Your Toddler Kindness Through Manners

Do manners still matter?

YES! It is such a basic fundamental to teach your children manners and in the beginning, you will have to use gentle reminders…A Lot. But never fear, they’ll get there.

You know…Please, Thank you, Excuse me, Pleased to meet you, Have a nice day. The basics that sometimes people just ignore or forget. It’s so darn simple to say them and to teach your child to say them as well. If you take care to instill manners from a young age, it will be a part of their makeup.

Teach them to say thank you to the cashier at the supermarket, or to the letter carrier who delivers your mail. You know, the people that you meet each day. You say it first and I guarantee, your little parrot will be copying you in no time flat.

Remember, you are their best and brightest role model…their Superstar! When they observe you being polite, they are bound to follow suit. Bug now says “I’m happy to meet you!” when meeting someone new. I’m a bit biased but, it’s the cutest thing ever, and makes me very proud of him.

Allow Your Kids To See Your Imperfections

Listen, I understand that it’s not always easy to be kind, especially to rude people but being kind to unkind people shows your true strength of character. How YOU react to a situation is what is most important and what your toddler will take in. Sometimes you will react more kindly than others, and that’s ok. Because you are only human.

Your kids don’t need to perceive you as perfect, but only that you are doing your best to act with kindness.

That guy with the grumpy face at the coffee shop who bumps you as he passes and doesn’t apologize… maybe he’s just having a bad day. Perhaps he just suffered some great personal loss and is feeling angry about it. That lady that cut you off in traffic? Maybe she’s just not the greatest driver.

Teach your kids to give others the benefit of the doubt first and not to assume the worst about people.

One of my favorite quotes of all time sums it up nicely.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
― Brad Meltzer

Take a deep breath before speaking if you are feeling impatient, or count to ten before you speak. After all, no one is perfect. We’re only human. Simply do your best to show compassion, be mindful of your words and of your actions. Little eyes are looking up to you so choose acts of kindness at every turn.

What if someone is rude to you? How do you react? Calm, cool and collected to the best of your ability is the way to go. Hold your tongue and don’t fly off the handle when there’s really no need. This is where true fortitude comes in. Remember being rude is easy, but kindness is a sign of strength.

With practice, it will come to be second nature to let little things slide off your back. Try to be as chill as you can and it will go a long way to teach your toddler kindness.

We use “No Thank You” a lot and “Get down off of there please, it’s dangerous!” Our son just turned 3 ( a total “Threenager”), he’s very busy and oh my is he a climber. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone!

Sometimes you just have to take a breath (or give yourself a little time-out, possibly accompanied by a cup of tea or a glass of wine) to remind yourself to keep calm if you are having a moment.

But, seriously, allow your kids to see you as an imperfect human being (as we all are), and show them that you are trying your best to be kind. When you mess up in front of them, own it and say something like, “Mom’s sorry she lost her cool, I could have handled that better.”

Being Kind Is Not The Same As Being A Pushover

You don’t have to be a pushover, just be assertive. Teach your child that if another kid is doing something that they don’t like, to get their point across without force. Our Bug is going to be a big kid. At his 2-year-old wellness checkup, our family doctor predicted that he will stand around 6’3′ fully grown. I don’t think he will be picked on for being small, but who knows, he may be picked on for being tall!

Kids can be mean sometimes and that’s an unfortunate fact of life. Our job as parents is to build up their character and to teach them that how THEY react to this type of situation is what they have control over.

Kindness Activities For Preschoolers & Toddlers

A fun kindness activity/art project for kids is to collect some smooth beach rocks, wash them up and paint them in bright colours. Choose happy sayings with your child that you think would brighten someone’s day. Then using enamel paints and Sharpies, have a blast decorating them!

Keep some for yourself and leave some at the park, playground or other random places in your community for others to find.

And, of course, reading books is a great way to teach kids about any topic under the sun, including how to be kind. There are some terrific books for preschoolers out there that can help to teach your toddler kindness and empathy. We love K Is For Kindness from Sesame Street, but there are a ton of excellent kindness books for toddlers that you can choose from.

Along with reading books, you can use these acts of kindness flashcards that can help strengthen your child’s love and appreciation of others. Ask your child questions such as, is this person being kind? How is he/she being kind?

If they are in preschool or daycare, questions to ask when they come home are: What did you do to be kind today? What was something kind that someone did for you today?

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Teach Your ToddlerKindness By Pointing Out Heroes In Everyday Life

Policemen, firefighters, paramedics, nurses, and doctors are all examples of real-life heroes. Point them out to your kids, explaining how their jobs are about helping and being kind to others.

Sometimes we see a fire truck or a police car parked outside the grocery store in the plaza and we always stop to say hello. Usually, the firefighters will let Bug climb right inside the truck. They are always so kind!

Remember, it all begins with you and your family. Treat each other with love, empathy and kindness, and your little ones will naturally follow suit.

Children during their formative years absorb and learn so many valuable lessons and at lightning speed. This is your opportunity to build a solid foundation of character traits that will travel with them into adulthood.

With these simple ideas, you can help to teach your toddler kindness and empathy, and as they blossom into little loving people, you will take pride in your accomplishment as a parent.

Mother Theresa said, ” Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

It’s really as simple as that. Choose kindness, my friends… you will never regret being kind.

Until next time, K.

Kelly Blakely is the founder and creative force behind Just Our View From Here. As a first-time mom over 40, she brings a fresh perspective to parenting and family life on her blog. Kelly also explores a wide range of lifestyle topics in her writing, including fashion, beauty, self-care, and well-being.