Getting Pregnant Through IVF at 46

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Yes, I Had A Successful IVF Cycle At 46 (Our Embryo Donation Success Story)

Getting pregnant through IVF at any age (in my case 46) is not an easy road to travel. I’m not going to sugarcoat this… it can be extremely difficult. You will need to muster up a lot of intestinal fortitude. But, if you stay the course and take it day by day your dreams may come true as ours did.

Updated Mar 13, 2021.

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The chances of a successful IVF pregnancy after 45 with your own eggs are slim, although it can happen. However, in many cases, older women choose to use donor eggs or embryos as it is the option that provides the best chance of success. We ourselves became parents through the gift of embryo donation, after several attempts with my eggs.

If you’ve never really given any thought to egg donors, embryo donation (or adoption as some call it), it is worth looking into. It may or not be the right choice for you and is an extremely personal decision.

Being forthcoming and open about using donor eggs or embryos is of course, entirely up to you as well. I have read that some people think there is a stigma attached to it. To me, that’s unfortunate because, to us, it was an amazing gift that helped us make a family.

At any rate, it is nice to know that you have options when you are pursuing motherhood after 40, and especially after 43 (that’s the age my doctor told me that egg quality basically falls off a cliff).

Maybe they’ll call you crazy. Maybe not. They’ll certainly tell you it is against the odds. True, but I am living proof that it is entirely possible. And honestly, I don’t care if they do think I’m crazy.

I FINALLY had a successful pregnancy through IVF after a series of failed attempts. Why the heck did I wait so long, you ask? Well, life isn’t linear, and when my path got all kinds of crazy crooked, I ended up where I was meant to be. It was a heck of a bumpy ride though!!

My hubby and I met when I was 43 and he was 40. We had both been in previous long-term relationships which resulted in no children, and as sometimes happens in life, things just didn’t work out and those relationships ran their course.

We actually knew each other in passing, coming from a small town that’s pretty common. Our friendship blossomed, as they say, and we ended up being inseparable.

Do You Believe In Fate?

I really do believe in fate’s design. Sometimes you just have to let go and realize that you are not in the driver’s seat. If you would have told me 20 or even 10 years ago that I would be getting pregnant at 46 through IVF, I would have told you you were nuts.

But life happens.

And life sure can take some unexpected twists and turns.

So it was for us that destiny stepped right in and we ended up together as a couple. We were still in that honeymoon phase, all glowy and crazy but we seriously pondered the notion of having a baby and both agreed it was now or never. Now, it was time to get busy…so to speak.

We had fun trying the old fashioned way but after about 6 months of that we consulted my family doctor and the wheels moved into motion.

Related: IVF Over 40 Success Story: Beating The Odds

Patience, Perseverance, and Faith: Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

Even though IVF may not always work the way you assume and pray it will, take heart and know that there are many ways to build a family.

Your own journey will be unique to you. There are enormous personal, emotional, and financial decisions that come with this path,

IVF at any age doesn’t come with a guarantee (money-back or otherwise). It comes with statistical odds and that’s about all. So, naturally, at age 46 the odds of successfully creating healthy embryos and becoming pregnant are lower with your own eggs.

Egg quality and quantity decline as we age, that’s just a fact. Don’t get me wrong, it may work. There are even some instances of women having babies well into their 40’s, even without IVF. For us, however, that wasn’t the case, so we chose the donor route. If donor eggs or embryos are an acceptable and accessible option for your family, your odds for a successful pregnancy will increase.

One of the many things I learned from going through the IVF process is PATIENCE.

It is definitely not for the faint of heart, it is a marathon, not a sprint…I mean, sure there are the odd cases where it works badaboom, badabing on the first try, but for us it became about patience, persistence, and faith that things would work out as they were meant to.

Especially at our age, we knew we were long shots but we hung in there. We also knew my eggs were not going to be the best at 46 but we had to give it a shot! We chose to do our first IVF cycle with my eggs and were pleasantly surprised when we got the phone call that we had created 2 viable embryos!

Through the endless procedures, poking and prodding, needles, night sweats, bitchiness, and the tears, we endured. Yes, there were tears. A LOT OF THEM.

My best advice to you here is to take it one day at a time. Be very patient. Be kind to yourself and to your partner.

Find A Doctor You Trust During Your IVF Journey

We found an AMAZING reproductive endocrinologist (RE) in Dr. Rahi Victory. He and his team were just unbelievably supportive and caring through the whole thing and we consider ourselves beyond blessed that we were able to work with them.

We went through 2 IUI’S ( intrauterine inseminations), and 3 rounds of IVF before we finally got pregnant. From start to finish it was close to 3 years. I know for some it takes even longer, and if you are still going through the battlefield of infertility, my heart is with you! It’s so damn hard!!

As I said, ultimately we chose to go the donation route. When our doctor mentioned the option of donor embryos, we were definitely willing to listen to him. We had built up a good bond with him by this point and trusted and respected his medical advice. Mark and I learned about the process and all it entailed, then came to an informed decision together. It would improve our chances tremendously, and we were so very fortunate that this option became available to us.

To be honest, before we started doing IVF, we never even knew such a thing existed! I cannot even express the gratitude we feel for our donors, for making this dream of ours a reality. Our family was built by receiving this amazingly generous gift of life.

If you are heading down the IVF road, be brave and find an RE you believe in whole-heartedly and trust. One that you are completely comfortable with. One who will be open and honest with you about your available options.

What are Some Procedures Done Before IVF?

You may have to endure many procedures, some of which are mildly uncomfortable or downright painful. You may need a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS) or a laparoscopy surgery. Your doctor may recommend an ERA test to determine endometrial receptivity. Everyone will have a different experience and yes, it can be overwhelming as you learn about and go through all these different procedures.

Again, I emphasize to you: just try to take things one step at a time, like any difficult journey in life.

Your nurses will draw your blood so much you may resemble a pin cushion. Oh yes, there will be needles, in my case many many needles.

I did heparin injections (which helps to reduce the chance of blood clots) daily until my induction date. I also had to go for Intravenous Intralipid Infusions periodically. Dr. V believed that my super-duper immune system and Natural Killer (NK) cells were fighting the embryo in my previous attempts. The NK cells can sometimes react to the embryo as a foreign invader and want to rid the body of it.

There will be a week or more of progesterone in oil (PIO) injections, (an intramuscular injection) where the needle resembles something out of a horror movie. OK, I exaggerate but the needle is pretty darn big!

I’m not trying to scare you, just being honest. Like I say, just take it as it comes, one poke at a time. You’ll be fine.

Mind-Body Connection To Help You Stay Positive During IVF Treatment

Using meditation techniques along with positive affirmations and visualizations can help you to de-stress, stay calm, and raise your energetic vibration as you are going through your fertility treatments. I found the guided imagery meditations with the Circle and Bloom program so helpful for my mind-body connection.

It is a series of short guided meditations to help you feel relaxed, positive and in tune with your body. You can even write down the affirmations and put them on sticky notes around your house, car, or wherever you will see them often to remind you to repeat them.

I highly recommend checking out this program, even if you’ve never tried meditation before in your life. The sessions are nice and short, and super easy to follow.

Journal writing during your fertility treatments is also a great way to release emotions, reflect, and reduce stress. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down on paper can be a big help for your mental wellbeing.

Find Support in Online IVF Communities and Groups

I took comfort connecting with other infertility patients on The Bump forum, one of whom I am still friends with to this very day. It really is reassuring to find a safe place to talk about your IVF journey with women who just ‘get it’…women who are riding the pain train with you.

Your friends in real life may be supportive but it is somehow different. As well-meaning as they might be, nothing can beat shared experience. I found it very helpful to talk to other ladies who had similar struggles as myself.

There are many private groups on Facebook as well where you can find like-minded women going through infertility struggles and IVF. Find one that resonates positively with you. It can be a place to vent, grieve, or to find support and also encourage others in the same way.

There will be emotions, so many ups and downs that you may want to throw in the towel. Only you can decide what is right for you. How much can you take mentally? How many cycles will you do? Financially how much are you willing to gamble?

Somehow, it helps to know you are NOT ALONE. Your peeps in your everyday life will hopefully be supportive, but unless you go through it personally, it’s hard to understand what a toll it takes on you, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

Looking back so much of it seems like a blur but I was living in the moment and praying that in the end, our miracle would arrive. Thankfully, he did.

IVF taught me so many things. I would love to help other women and couples as they navigate these treacherous waters of infertility, especially if you have been branded as a geriatric mother or of advanced maternal age (OUCH!!) which apparently is anyone over 35.

Everything you go through in life happens for a reason. I am grateful every day that our journey resulted in our little family. Getting pregnant through IVF at 46 (or any age, really!) doesn’t come with a guarantee. But, I’m so glad we stayed the course and rode out the storm.

Embryo Donation Is The Most Amazing Gift

We were absolutely blessed to have been given the opportunity to become parents through embryo donation. Never once have we second-guessed our decision to use donor embryos. And in case you are wondering if the fact that our son does not share our DNA makes any kind of an impact on the bond we share, that’s a “no” too. Actually, it hardly ever crosses my mind.

I can only speak from my perspective and share my truth and that is the truth. We know this child is a blessing, he is ours, and the fact that he doesn’t carry the same genetic code as us simply doesn’t matter at all.

We love him with an indescribable fierceness that is hard to explain until you experience it. He grew inside my belly from an embryo, my body nourished him and we love him completely and wholeheartedly.

He is the child who was meant to be ours by fate’s design. And we are so thankful that he is ours.

If my story can bring a glimmer of hope to one woman out there who is searching for inspiration or a success story, then my job is done.

If you are that woman reading this, I’m so glad it found you.

You see…fate. It works in mysterious ways.

Until next time, K.

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