Becoming A First Time Mom Over 40: Musings Of An Older Mom

Becoming a First Time Mom Over 40 is a Beautiful Thing

The journey to motherhood is different for everyone, and while waiting to have your babies until you are over 40 might not be the conventional path, it doesn’t mean it’s not a path worth taking.

I don’t like to think of myself as OLDER. I prefer the term CLASSIC. And for this “old” gal, becoming a first-time mom over 40 (AKA older mom) has been the greatest thing ever to happen in my life.

I know I still have a lot to learn and am taking it one day at a time, but what I do know is that pregnancy over 40 and becoming a mom a bit later in life can be a beautiful thing. For me, it certainly has been.

Updated June 15, 2022

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Musings Of A First Time Mom Over 40

Navigating Motherhood Later In Life: What I’ve Learned So Far

My husband and I have learned a lot so far on this journey. Allow me to share a few points for you to ponder when it comes to having a baby and starting a family over age 40.

There are some definite benefits, a few hurdles, mixed in with just some straight-up facts. Our son is 4 now and as we go through each stage and age of childhood with him, we are thankful that we have been given this blessing.

Yes, even on the challenging days which can include sassiness, defiance, or preschooler meltdowns (some days all of the above), the joy far outweighs the difficulties.

1. GRATITUDE

A definite benefit, you will be grateful as you realize that some things just get better with age.

Like a classic car, a bottle of vintage wine or an aged cheddar, you may begin thinking of yourself in these terms. Well, maybe the old cheese isn’t a great analogy but, you get my drift.

As you hit your 40’s, you may find yourself feeling grateful for all the amazing things you have in this life. That includes gratitude for your health and your body. Especially when your over 40 body just birthed a baby! You rock!

I know, as I’ve gotten older, and especially since becoming a first-time Mom over 40, I am just so much more comfortable in my own skin… fine lines, wrinkles, mom bod and all.

But as far as accepting and loving the skin you’re in, (and yourself as a whole) you will find that once you’re over 40, you will be far less critical of yourself.

Ditching society’s so-called standards of perfection is out the window. Let’s not forget that so many of the images pushed to us of those plastic-surgery celebrities are doctored with air-brushing, and photoshop.

That’s not to say I don’t do my best to take care of myself, skin and wrinkles included! But I do that for me, not society! I feel like walking that fine line of accepting and appreciating that I’m getting older but still keeping a youthful glow, is entirely possible.

My favorite DIY skin serum is a blend of lavender and frankincense. I love homemade facials, exfoliating skin scrubs, and body butters of all kinds.

Self-criticism decreases, self-awareness and gratitude increase

I just have realistic expectations! I’m not 20 anymore and that’s fine by me.

I think it’s important to note that as we age, we gain a better appreciation of, and dare I say, respect for our bodies and the amazing machines they are. We have a different perspective once we hit that tender age of 40.

I find my sense of gratitude has increased immensely as I have gotten older.

As “older”moms, we have seen a fair bit of life and we know it is rarely perfect, and often unfair. I suppose we are just a tad more seasoned. As parents, this can helps us to go with the flow just a little bit easier.

Just Our View From Here

IVF Over 40

We were fortunate enough to get pregnant through IVF, which made us get pretty interested in the science of reproduction and how amazing it is.

I mean, wow! We got to see our 3 embryos under a microscope right before the doctor transferred them, and from one of those 64-celled embryos, our son came into being.

And the fact that my body was able to sustain this life…that just amazed me. That’s no small feat, as anyone who has struggled with infertility and overcome it will attest.

I was shocked and surprised.

I was overcome with gratitude because I know it doesn’t work for everyone.

And while I may have appreciated pregnancy I was younger, I have a feeling that I would have taken it for granted. Now, that’s not to say every young lady out there takes their fertility for granted. I would absolutely never generalize that way.

There is, however, something to be said for appreciating the things in life a bit more when you have extra miles in your rearview mirror. When the odds are against you and something goes your way, I think being a little older and wiser brings you a deeper appreciation.

2. PATIENCE

As an older mom, you will probably have a lot more patience, and to be honest, sometimes you’re just too tired for conflict, so you definitely know how to pick your battles.

In our case, going through IVF taught us a LOT about patience.

Our IVF journey was one of the most challenging times in our life. But whether you went through fertility treatments or not, you will have had your own share of life lessons and I bet you are way less likely to fly off the handle over the smallest thing than when you were younger.

Listen, I’m not saying you won’t want to lose your S**t at times but generally, you’ll find you can handle it pretty well.

Having kids later in life comes with unique challenges for sure. I know our lives have changed so much in such a short time and it feels like a bit of a whirlwind at times!

I know folks with tweens and teens are saying…”Girl, you ain’t seen nuthin yet!” But they must remember the terrible twos, the meltdowns because you put the juice in the wrong sippy cup or a sock that slid off a tiny foot!

We have been in the throes of these so-called terrible twos, survived the Threenager stage, and have recently begun the “F-You Fours”.

OH! THE DRAMA!!!

Each stage has its own share of drama and we are navigating the choppy waters of preschool currently.

Online junior kindergarten to be exact.

Yes, it is actually like a Zoom meeting with 20 or so 4 and 5-year-olds and yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds.

One of our most important jobs as parents is to nurture, teach, and make our children feel safe and loved while they learn to regulate their emotions. And apparently, while they learn to use a laptop microphone and camera as well.

The more patience you have the better, and sometimes patience comes with age.

I say a lot of prayers to my own lovely Mother up there, to help me be half as good as she was as a Mom. There was no one more patient than her and I am doing my best to channel that patience.

Having more patience is a definite benefit to being an older Mom

The mere fact of having a little more life experience gives you an edge. You have probably learned along the way what works best for you when handling stress.

You have already learned deep breathing techniques, counting to ten, and putting yourself in your happy place.

And you know that some days in life are harder than others. But you also know that, for the most part, it boils down to the fact that in life, you really shouldn’t sweat the small stuff.

3. THICK SKIN

In other words, the art of not giving AF.

Listen, becoming a first-time Mom over 40 raises a few eyebrows, but I am more than comfortable just letting rude comments slide right off my back. And you should be too.

Not that anyone really says it straight to your face but I’m sure there were many who thought I was bonkers. Actually, I take that back. There was one person on Facebook who commented: “Oh my God, I’d freak if that happened to me”.

Yes, it was in jest but I just came back with my standard line of “Everyone’s journey is different! We are actually thrilled!!”

The older you get and as you develop a greater and greater sense of self, the less other people’s opinions matter to you. That’s not to say that you turn into a selfish, stubborn jerk.

More to the point is that you realize that a person’s opinion of how you choose to live your life matters very little. As long as you are not hurting anyone, living your life with love, and being true to yourself, you will thrive.

4. ONE DAY, SOMEONE WILL PROBABLY ASSUME YOU ARE ‘GRANNY’

It’s bound to happen. I’m sure there will come that day when someone takes me for my son’s Gramma and how I will react to that situation has yet to be seen. I’m thinking it will sting a little, but I am expecting it so my plan is to completely shake it off, maybe even laugh it off. (Scroll down for the update on this…spoiler alert, it happened!!)

Remember, that thick skin (not giving AF what others think of you) will help any potentially hurtful comments slide right off! Perhaps I should start working on a witty comeback now so I’ll be REALLY ready.

Or, maybe my kid will take the lead and I won’t have to say a word.

I myself was the child of an older parent and I actually took the lead around age 10 when a lady at our local summer fair asked my Dad (who was 55 at the time) if I was his granddaughter. I looked up at her defensively and said, “Hey! That’s my DAD!”

My Dad just laughed that big, booming laugh of his and bought me some cotton candy. I laughed too. We shook it off together and I realized it was no big deal.

You see, my dad being an older dad didn’t matter to me in the least. He was an amazing father.

UPDATE: IT HAPPENED! And as I had hoped, it wasn’t a biggie. I was at my son’s school “Fun Fair” and as we approached one of the activities (a fun photo booth) the photographer said, “Are you going to be in the picture too Gramma?… Mom?” lol. He kind of said it in one breath and honestly, I just said back to him “Mom”. I did take notice of it, naturally, but it wasn’t devasting or anything like that. Whew!

A Word On Going Grey or Wisdom Highlights

Pertinent to this whole ‘granny’ thing, of course, is the grey hair situation, or as my sister calls them, wisdom-highlights. I started getting my first grey hairs around 35 but I haven’t embraced the silver hair journey. YET.

Don’t get me wrong, it looks absolutely gorgeous on a lot of ladies. Stunningly beautiful, actually.

And I AM a little (but JUST a little) curious to see how my natural color would look. But I prefer dark hair with my skin tone (olive) so my personal choice for now anyway, is to not go down that road.

I figure by the time he’s in high school, I will make the transition and become one of those natural silver foxes embracing the grey.

Maybe I will do it sooner than that, who knows?

Another UPDATE: I AM TRYING IT! More than two years after originally penning this article I decided to let my grey grow in and see what happens. So far it’s been pretty interesting!

If you’re thinking of joining the growing tribe of silver sisters, you can check out my grey hair transition story!

5. YOU WILL BE TIRED, BUT ISN’T EVERYONE?

All moms and dads, under OR over 40 are tired. We juggle a million plates and responsibilities and yes, it is challenging. Whether you work outside of the home or are a stay-at-home mom, life can be exhausting.

From those early days of breastfeeding and pumping and shushing and up to now…Running around after a sweet, singing, dancing, and sometimes a little crazy toddler at this age keeps you on your toes!

I will admit to being pretty exhausted some days but I don’t think I have exclusive rights to that. Every parent knows what it’s like to have an empty tank at the end of the day!

Want to sleep like a rock? Spend the day with a toddler.

You never really know the meaning of the word tired until you become a mother. Parents of any age come to realize that you are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and that is the job requirement.

Add in the over 40 factor (and possibly hitting peri-menopause…yikes!), and you may find yourself becoming even more tired.

So, be sure, to practice self-care where you can, even small things can help to battle fatigue and irritability. Eat right, exercise, take your vitamins, and get enough sleep and save those late-night Netflix binge sessions for the weekends.

And Yes! SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!!!

There will be days you don’t or can’t actually nap but at least try to rest when you can. Even 15 minutes of closing your eyes can do wonders to recharge your battery. Trust me, when your preschooler or kindergartener ditches nap time altogether, you will miss it. I certainly do.

So, if you are around the “Big 4-0” and pregnant or trying to conceive, hold your head high and be confident in your choices!

Honestly, let them call you crazy. After all, we’re all a little bit crazy…

There are many of us who wait to have babies until we are a bit more seasoned for whatever reason. Be it your career, lifestyle choice, second marriage, or like me, not finding the right partner until you are older!

The truth of the matter is, that we all have different sets of circumstances in our lives that lead us to our current reality. Life is a journey, and it’s short so enjoy it. Personally, so far, we have found the benefits to having kids later in life to be plentiful, and look forward to seeing what the future holds.

Embrace your life and feel confident in your decisions. Becoming a mom over 40 really can be a beautiful experience, so don’t let the number scare you. You got this.

Yes, I am older, somewhat wiser than my younger days, and a little more grey but I am blessed with this amazing little man. And yes, it’s tiring. Some days are downright exhausting.

But personally, the benefits outweigh the difficult parts by a long shot.

For a person who never thought she would have kids, it’s funny the way things turned out for me. Not, Ha Ha funny, but beautifully ironic.

And I can say without a shadow of a doubt that becoming a first-time Mom over 40 has actually been the greatest joy in my life. No regrets. My heart is completely and overwhelmingly full. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Peace, Kelly

P.S. WANT TO SHARE YOUR STORY?

If you are trying for, expecting, or raising a little one in mid-life, and would like to write a guest article for us about your personal experience, please email me at kelly (@) justourviewfromhere.com for more info. Brackets are there to keep out bots so just remove those and put it all together with no spaces. 🙂

Have a funny story? What has your experience been like so far?

Are you feeling supported by family and friends or given the side-eye? (Boo!!)

Maybe it’s your second time down this path and you already have older kids and babies? I’m curious!

Also please feel free to leave a comment below!

Let’s share experiences and start a conversation for us “old moms” to feel supported, uplifted, and have a laugh.

Until next time, K.

Kelly Blakely is the founder and creative force behind Just Our View From Here. As a first-time mom over 40, she brings a fresh perspective to parenting and family life on her blog. Kelly also explores a wide range of lifestyle topics in her writing, including fashion, beauty, self-care, and well-being.

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Another great resource for words of wisdom, encouragement, and straight talk on being a mid-life mom is theoldermom.com. Guaranteed to make you smile.

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