Going Through IVF: 5 Things I Learned

Going Through IVF is not for the faint of heart and can teach you some valuable lessons.

An IVF journey is a roller coaster of emotions and you better strap in for a wild ride!

Our journey was blessed with success on our very last IVF attempt, with me at the ripe old age of 46. And yes, that is considered advanced maternal age but I had a very healthy pregnancy and delivery nonetheless!

It was quite an arduous journey but we survived, and we are grateful. As someone once said, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” (Yes, I know it was Robert Frost.)

My husband and I learned a lot about ourselves and about each other along the way.

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5 Lessons Going Through IVF Can Teach You

#1. PATIENCE

I consider myself to be a very patient person, but when you are on this tumultuous journey called IVF, you obtain a whole new level of it. For most of us, this doesn’t happen overnight.

Waiting for Day 1 in your next cycle seems to take an eternity, but carry on. Carry on with your normal routine, go to work, hang out with your friends, attend family functions, and try not to obsess.

I seriously had a hard time with that (not obsessing) because it is just constantly there. The longing, hoping, and praying that you will get your baby… those feelings are always present.

They say patience is a virtue and going through IVF really does put you to the test.

Take it one day at a time and if that’s too difficult make it one hour or one minute at a time. I know it is so hard but do the best you can to breathe and be patient.

#2. INTESTINAL FORTITUDE

I’ve always loved that expression because it can be relevant to so many situations. Call it what you may- strength, bravery, courage, resilience….it’s all the same and it comes from deep within. I like to compare IVF to running a marathon.

If you tough it out, you absolutely will cross the finish line, but on an IVF journey, there is no guarantee of what or where the finish line is. That, my friend, is up to you. How many cycles can you go through? Emotionally, financially…? It is entirely up to you how much you can take.

You have to dig deep. There may be days when you are at your wit’s end.

Do your best every single day to stay strong, keep breathing, and keep the faith that things will turn out as they are meant to be. Consider writing your feelings and thoughts down in a simple IVF journal or diary. It can help clear your mind and be quite cathartic just to get things down on paper. I have created a few pretty IVF diaries and I especially love this one I call “Breathe” with a lovely sunflower drawing on the cover. You can find all my journals under my pen name, Justine Vincent.

#3. FIND THE RIGHT DOCTOR FOR YOU

This is seriously so important! You must have the utmost absolute trust in your reproductive endocrinologist (RE) that he is capable and actually cares about your specific case.

We were very lucky to have that in our RE at Victory Reproductive Care. Dr. Victory and his staff are incredibly supportive, competent, and understanding, and let’s face it…they are dealing with women on a daily basis who have extreme highs and lows, due not only to the side effects of fertility meds but also to the emotional toll it takes on them.

Not to mention the small fact that you will likely have numerous pokes, prods, and procedures that involve being naked from the waist down. Adios humility! Yes, be sure you are VERY comfortable with your doctor.

#4. YOUR RELATIONSHIP MAY BE TESTED

You and your partner really need to make sure you are on the same page as to what the plan is, what the backup plan is, and even what the backup backup plan is! Keep the lines of communication open, and that goes both ways!

Going through IVF is hard enough in itself. Really hard. Always talk openly and honestly about your feelings with your partner. If you don’t, you risk adding resentments, hurt feelings, and bruised egos, all of which can put a terrible strain on a relationship.

We consider ourselves lucky that we made it through relatively unscathed. We both knew, on our final attempt that it really would be our final attempt, and as sad and nervous as that made us feel, we were a team and knew we would get through it together somehow.

Financially it just wasn’t feasible for us to keep going. As a waitress and small business owners, we were hardly millionaires.

It was sad but it was reality. We knew though, that whatever happened, we would be ok somehow.

#5. LET GO OF FEAR

This brings me to my final lesson, and for me personally, the greatest thing I learned going through my IVF journey.

Be not afraid.

Letting go of fear is the most liberating feeling. Once you realize that you are not completely in the driver’s seat, as in you only have so much control over the outcome, something in your perspective shifts. At least it did for me. I knew that, for better or for worse, I was at the end of my road with this part of my life, the IVF part.

We knew the universe would soon be letting us know what my next chapter would be about. Being parents, or not. Or perhaps we would have gone down a different road, and considered fostering or adoption. After all, there are many ways to build a family.

We just took a deep breath, let all the fear go, and handed it over to the Universe, knowing we had done everything we could up to that point.

No one was more shocked than us when we got that positive home pregnancy test. No one.

We know we are truly blessed that our very last attempt at IVF resulted in our son.

He is the one meant for us, I couldn’t force any other cycle to work because it just wasn’t up to me. Nature can only do so much, as can science, and I do believe what is meant to be will find a way.

A Final Thought

These are the main things I have learned going through IVF, and one thing is for sure. It’s a hard row to hoe and changes your perspective in many ways. Being on that roller coaster of emotion can make your highs so high and your lows crushing, but in the end, it makes you a stronger person, no matter the outcome.

We are IVF warriors and survivors!

To those of you still in the trenches and if you happen to be reading this, my heart goes out to you!

I hope our story can add a ray of hope or inspire you in some way. We know how difficult it is to be on this ride.

Above all, I wish for you to cultivate your patience, stay courageous and dig deep for that intestinal fortitude.

Remember...Be Not Afraid.

Peace, Kelly

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